I know I told you I was going to update you on my dating life in my last blog, but I wanted to leave that for now as dating just isn’t that important to me at the moment!
The first quarter of 2022 has been super challenging for me emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
I am experiencing hurdles which I once soared over with ease, but this was many moons ago. It has humbled me to say the least. I wanted to share some of the internal frictions and opportunities for learning that have presented themselves to me so far this year.
Lets delve right in ya saucy bitch…
Lesson 1: Safety is created by ME. Responsibility isn’t sitting well with me at the moment. I just want to relax and not have to worry about a thing! A few intoxicated nights out have left my brain wiped and my body filled with anxiety. Naturally, not being conscious of my actions has left me with a grey cloud hovering over my vessel. Ive never been one to black out on nights out, so why is this happening now? Wtf did I do during these black outs? What is my mind trying to avoid? After investigation, I believe that drinking alcohol straight does not sit well with my being. It goes down too well and too quickly. I love the taste and the lack of bloating due to no mixer, but as soon as that fresh air hits me, my consciousness seems to do a disappearing act. When my subconscious is running the game (alcohol induced), my inner siren, succubus and seducer seems to take rein. She loves the attention, the affection, is a horny bitch and if we’re being completely transparent; she’s a lil aggressive too. Great fun but WILD. She has no limits, she finds risk sexy as fuck and if she classes you as her man for the moment; there’s pretty much nothing she wont do; people present or not.
Like I said, she’s wild.
From late November 2021 I told myself I would be celibate again because it’s peaceful and I feel ultra aligned when I do so. You can imagine my disappointment when I gained consciousness face deep in some balls after a night out the other week. Luckily it was with one of my old tings and not a complete stranger/predator. BUT I promised myself I would stop dealing with him because he doesn’t satisfy all of my needs and yet here I am, suffocating on his ballsack.
#annoyed but safe.
Personal events in the last few months have really unsettled me; I feel off centre and a little loose. Part of me is loving it, part of me is hating it, but getting black out drunk never has, or will be a good way to solve problems - maybe on rare occasions. Practicing safety in my body after blacking out two weekends in a row has been interesting; I’ve been feeling PTSD vibes. If you are familiar with my journey you will know I used to do this type of thing on a regular basis as a means of escapism. My drunken actions have triggered me, however, they have provided me with a learning opportunity. I am grateful because I can now re-direct my focus. Over the next few weeks my intent will be to slow down, nurture my inner child and regulate feelings of safety again. No lowering my vibration with sleep deprivation and the over consumption of alcohol. Just me and my boo processing and bonding.
My conclusion:
Shock and large changes can lead me back to default mode - this isn’t bad, just don’t allow old habits to become prominent again.
Maybe if I had sex on a semi-regular basis, the suppressed seductress within me would be more tame under the influence of alcohol?
NO more drinking alcohol straight!
Nights out are for the girls.
As soon as you feel yourself slipping GRAB THE FUCKING WATER SHANNON, SHIT.
If a stranger saves his number under ‘daddy’ in your phone, just delete it straight away.
Lesson 2:
Self-forgiveness is ESSENTIAL for a happy life. Perfectionism is something I used to strive for, but in the midst of seeking this unattainable ideology we all seem to be obsessed with, I have fallen in love with the uniqueness and humility imperfection showcases.
I connect more with people who are willing to own their truth, mistakes and lessons, therefore I shouldn’t shame myself for not being where I wish to be or not performing as well as I think I should. Whether this be my romantic life, work life or family life, as long as I approach situations from a place of trying my best, authenticity and bravery, I can overcome anything. Torturing ourselves over the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘why’s’ is not useful. We tend to get so caught up in what we perceive to be the problem that our minds spiral down the rabbit hole of shame, guilt and hostility. Later creating a reality that can push us further away from the objective truth. Ultimately leaving us feeling even shittier because of the narratives we have force fed ourselves.
Our minds are powerful!
If I do something my higher self doesn’t resonate with, rather than getting upset because ‘I know better’, I ask myself what has changed in my reality and internal world that has enabled this action to be implemented. I hold this space with no judgement. I attempt to find the thought patterns and feelings correlating with the action. Remember, we are not looking to blame, only to find the root of the issue so we can weed it out and plant something better in its place.
Hating yourself because you done something out of character is super unproductive. Even if you are the problem, you are also the SOLUTION. Replaying said events over and over again in your head causes unnecessary suffering - you deserve better.
Our society has been built on insecurity and uncertainty, we are easier to manipulate and control when we are off balance. Showing yourself love, compassion and kindness during trialling times will enable you to focus on the issue at hand rather than internalising feelings of unworthiness and disappointment.
We are usually our own harshest critic and this is useful in some instances but overall we can create more tension than need be. The past is done, why spend time lingering there when we can focus on what we can do now, so that past issues do not present themselves again, and if they do, we will be better prepared than before. My conclusion: We have all done shit we’re not proud of, acceptance will free you. The saintly persons humanity has idolised over the course of the years, also share a darkness within their past that they have transmuted into light. Thats what makes them saintly. The ability to do good is fantastic but the ability to combat the shadows, come out smiling and in unison with oneself will forever be the ultimate power.
Lesson 3: You need to have FAITH in something bigger than yourself. Whether it’s God, The Universe, Science, Ancestors, whatever it is, there are bigger forces at hand ensuring things work in our favour. Having faith in something bigger than yourself will take the pressure off of you too.
Ive mentioned before that I’ve always had this divine trust and deeper knowing within me, even before my spiritual awakening. I’ve always known that whatever happens; I will be okay. This mindset has helped me tremendously over the years. It allows me to be brave and face unexpected events with a calming confidence.
Belief is POWERFUL.
Our beliefs shape the world and it is vital we believe in ourselves but naturally, the human within us doubts this sometimes, the ego can over power and we can loose sight of our life mission. Having faith in something bigger than ourselves enables us to place intent, energy and power into higher realms. Everything is energy and we are everything. There is a whole other world we are yet to understand but many thought leaders are paving the way such as Joe Dispenza, Deepak Chopra, Jay Shetty, Abraham and Esther Hicks and so many more.
When I began to operate in this space and have faith in something bigger than me, I created an internal bliss that I can call on when feeling challenged or in need of some answers. The truth is, we all have the answers available to us, but our environments can cause us to become disconnected and our minds distorted; narrowing our view and keeping us in the same unhelpful paradigms.
We are all interconnected. Please remember when you are calling on a higher power for assistance, you are also calling to a part of YOU.
Gosh you’re such a powerful bitch!
My conclusion: Messiness in ones life is usually a reflection of the internal world. Too many distractions are jolting our focus and making us put our energy into beliefs, systems and situations that don’t have our highest good at heart. Not knowing oneself can further add to this deception. When I feel powerless I turn to what I know is all powerful; The Universe.
And she ALWAYS answers.
Whilst this year has come with its challenges, I am aware that this needs to happen for my next level of ascension. The internal friction is allowing my tectonic plates to shift, showing me what areas I need to pay more attention to and making room for the new juiciness 2022 has to offer.
So, to summarise: 1. Safety is created by ME 2. Self-forgiveness is ESSENTIAL for living a happy life 3. You need to have FAITH in something bigger than yourself
I hope your journey is going well so far ya beauty, speak soon!
Loving you,
SIS xox
Comments