Just because Mr. Right isn’t here yet, doesn’t mean Mr. Right Now can’t provide me with some good loving…
I miss the excitement of knowing your dick appointment is just a few hours away. Sitting at my desk, mentally replaying the previous positions he’s had me in. Oh my, how good he felt - what do I want him to do to me next? I pay attention to detail so the reminiscing is always very vivid…
My body temperature rises, my skin tingles. My nipples get hard, poking through my shirt and shivers run down the side of my neck - its like I can feel him gently breathing on me. Biting on my lip, my pussy pulsing. I want to feel him reaching into my depth. The build up of energy takes over a lot of the time. As much as I want to wait for him and all of his glory; a twenty minute work break is compulsory… Not that it takes me twenty minutes to make myself cum. I just like to revel in the energy when I’m done.
Just as an FYI. I work from home. When I was in the office, it was 7 mins max.
I love the building of tension, its probably my favourite part about meeting someone, having sexual chemistry and the possibility of fucking. The flirtatious behaviour, feeling for each others boundaries. The wondering if and when it’s going to happen. What outfit would he enjoy most? How will those lips look pursed around my clit? Is his tongue action up to par? Has he got the strength to throw me around? What does his piece look like? Will it be a nice fit for me or am I going to have to fight for my life?
So many possibilities.
I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve had regular sex with someone who doesn’t make my brain swell from their stupidity. I can hear you all like ‘but Shannon, you had a great time with The American’. No doubt I did, but that was three months ago and I’d like good dick on my doorstep - not a 9 hour flight away.
My current demographic is challenging.
A good fuck buddy is hard to come by nowadays. I suppose my requirements of what I believe is ‘good’ is more than most peoples. Sticking your dick inside of me and then bouncing, isn’t enough for me to feel satisfied. Sexual chemistry is compulsory, obviously. I also need good banter, intellectual conversations and authenticity to even think about opening myself up to someone on a regular basis.
Its hard for me to cum unless I feel connected.
The route to most of my shitty sexual experiences have been because I've chosen to lay with confused, emotionally unavailable men. The men who haven't found their purpose, aren't sure of who they are, have low self worth and so on. But they look good. Times of weakness on my part. On the upper hand, after the interactions, things tended to click into place for me. Divine downloads would stream in, guiding me to get rid of the spiritual baggage that's been dumped into me and blocking my path. In all honesty, sometimes these downloads would be misunderstood entirely, but this was all a learning curve.
Instead, I would believe that this was the Divine telling me how I can help this man be better. I can help him. LOL, why was I trying to be a saviour? Self-reflecting was vital during these times. I needed to understand why the hell I was in alignment with these kind of men in the first place. I had a tendency to redirect the message/energy away from me because I didn’t want to deal with my own shit. All the love I was pouring into these dead ends was actually meant for me. Them sexual attachments can have you moving wild. Attempting to connect with someone you’re not even sure you like, just to get that ikkle dopamine hit. Vision becomes hazy, focus is non-existent and overall, the experience takes away from spirit rather than re-energising it. Physically do you feel good? I mean, yeah sometimes, for like a few hours but overall no, no you do not. This is my subjective view.
Alignment is important.
When intentions for why you’re both choosing to sex each other are not aligned, it can cause internal turmoil. If a man or woman has lied to get you into their bed, if you are not being honest with yourself about why you’re fucking, if you’re sharing with someone else unknowingly, all these things can lead to chaos. If I want sex to bring me anything, its connection, pleasure and peace, not chaos.
Want a one night stand? Cool, make it clear. Want to build a connection with someone? Cool, make it clear. A committed relationship is your goal? Cool, don't make this one too clear, be patient and do your vetting because people like to P L A Y.
Fuck buddies should be breezy. The main ingredient to this being successful is open and honest communication. A lot of the time you both go into the situation on the same page, but then time goes on and feelings may change. In correlation, needs may change too. When we aren’t honest about these changes or if you feel embarrassed to discuss them, that’s when issues may occur. Open conversation and vulnerability are crucial to any relationship, but when you’re sharing juices, it needs to be prioritised.
As we all know, women are quite different than men when it comes to sex. Naturally, we can catch feelings a lot faster; even if we never intended to. Let's say you have agreed to a sexual arrangement with no strings attached, but through time you have developed feelings for this person. If you approach your FB with your newly found emotions and they reiterate the fact they don’t want anything serious, it is your responsibility to walk away. And actually stick to your decision. Same goes for men if it happens - and believe me, it does happen. You need to honour yourself and your needs, not put pressure on the other person to come around to something they never agreed to.
A lot of hurt could be avoided if we actually listened to the other person. 'He said he doesn't want a committed relationship, but he's doing boyfriend shit'. I understand that may come across as confusing but its really simple. He enjoys doing those things for you but he doesn't want to commit. I enjoy cooking for guys, being taken out, being sought after for inspiration and advice, but that doesn't mean I want to commit to them. I am just enjoying their presence, what they have to offer and I enjoy giving within my limits.
In contrast, I've had to walk about from some really good men and their magic sticks. I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my sanity for someone who didn’t want to connect with me the way I did them. It was never planned, it just happened. I've had to let some really amazing men go because I just didn’t see them being anything more in my life.
Shit needs to be mutual.
The trick is all in the name really. This person should be your ‘buddy’, your friend. If things begin to change in a friendship and you’re not happy with it, you would initiate a discussion because you have mutual respect for each other and you both see value in the relationship. Does it always go down well? No it bloody doesn’t. The important thing is that you’ve made your boundaries clear and have stayed true to yourself.
Its the exact same game with your FB.
Now, I’m not saying all sexual relations need to have genuine friendship as a foundation. There was a time in my life where I really did not want the connection. I just wanted to get my pussy ate and bounce. I was using men to relieve myself of tension, as many men do women. The release feels great and its minimal effort trying to maintain a relationship. However, upon reflection, I realised that I was avoiding genuine connection because I didn’t want to face some of the heavy emotions I had buried.
Again, this is not always the case, merely my subjective view. From the conversations I’ve had with people, through my own experiences and analysis of men I’ve laid with, I can confirm, a lot of people fuck to avoid emotions. They want to feel something, just not the pain they’re carrying so they look to drugs, alcohol, sex and many other vices to just feel good or as I said, to just feel something.
I've been on my healing journey for five years now, and the degree of men I am attracting has increased divinely. I'm still who I was five years ago, but better. The main change being that 9/10, I’m not going to fuck, especially if I do not feel aligned. That 1/10 is usually when I'm waved, the chemistry is dreamy and I'm horny af. Or if I've reached a point where self-pleasure its no longer cutting it - I was celibate for a year that shit is rare. I never said I was perfect. I sometimes get a little frustrated because going from questionable to high standards means being alone (not lonely) for much longer periods of time.
During these times I remind myself that being happy on my own is a real blessing. One I had been trying to secure for a long time. And do I really want to lower myself for a temporary pleasure that may not match up to the standard in which I can pleasure myself? It's not worth the risk. The current mix of meat in the market is not doing it for me. Whether that be a fuck buddy or a commitment. I might flirt and drop some naughty one liners in there, but ultimately that's as far as is it will go. I can't get mad though, I love this life I've built. My quality of living and my wellbeing has definitely increased from the choices and changes I've implemented.
I am truly grateful.
But I'd be lying if I didn't say that grabbing some food with a sweet one, having great sex and a cuddle would be utterly splendid right now.
Sounds easy but a bitch been waiting...
Until next time, Lovers
SIS xox
images by @jackmontaguephotography 💜
Comments